Monday, May 04, 2009

When the opportunity of a lifetime comes at the wrong time

Dude. It’s been forever since I blogged or read a blog (other than other mommy journals and Julius Goat’s LOST recaps).

I haven’t played poker online in...I can’t even remember.

My live poker has dwindled to maybe twice a month.

The Pokertart is feeling decidedly less...tart, these days.

I just caught up on all my bloglines feeds. It felt weird – almost like I was eavesdropping. I’ve been pondering why, after it was such a big part of my life, poker has fallen by the wayside. I do still watch it on TV (oh lordy do those GoDaddy commercials featuring Vanessa Rousso make me cringe), but for the most part, I’ve put it on the back burner. Of course, H has a lot to do with it. Becoming a parent sucks a whole lot of energy out of you – but there’s more...I think it boils down to an opportunity I turned down, and how it has made me view poker.

When H was 4 months old, I turned down a ‘dream’ job in the poker industry. I had verbally accepted, but it took over 6 weeks for the contract to get put through, and by the time it arrived, I was simply too exhausted, physically and mentally, to contemplate taking a new job, especially one that would require travel, as this one did. I don’t regret my decision – I love my current job, and I know I made the right choice for where I was in my life then. But I do wonder what might have been had I taken that job.

I think a part of me is afraid to embrace poker as I did before I had H, because if I do, perhaps I’ll find myself full of regret. If I dive into the poker world with as much enthusiasm as I had a year ago, will I long for a life I turned down?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

The other day, Banky mentioned that he’d like us to try and win our way to the 2010 WSOP. H will be almost 2 then, so will definitely be able to stay with my parents for a few days. I kind of like the idea of working towards a goal in poker...and I’d still like to be the first woman to win the Main Event.

C’mon now, a Pokertart can dream, can’t she?


BWoP said...

It's nice to see you blogging again.

Come to Vegas in 2010!!!

BamBam said...

What an exceptional read. This is why I miss my Pokertart so very much.

Best advice I can offer is the song you wanted to pick for my Blogger Anthem.

You have to try to focus forward and control reflection back, and ALWAYS maintain your Lust for Life Baby!