I post, therefore I am.

I write about myself on Facebook, Twitter, LiveJournal and here. And you know what? I’m just not that interesting. I am, however, narcissistic, so I shall continue.

Last Thursday was the Season Final game for the Poker League. I was once a regular fixture in this game – so much so that at one point, Banky and I had attended more games than the league host (he went out of town for 3 weeks, and we hosted the weekly games at our house in his absence) – but this season I barely qualified to play in the final, just barely squeaking out the minimum 4 of 12 games to play.

I think part of my ennui with poker these days is because I am playing like shite, and I know it.

My starting requirements are so loose – I can find almost any reason to call. 10 5 off suit? Well, you know a 5 or a 10 is needed to make any straight. And with two suits, I have TWO chances to make a flush!

Loose starting requirements are ok, to an extent, but only if you’re able to pick up orphan pots. Not when you check/fold when you miss.

I know this, yet what do I do? Call-Check-Fold. Call-Check-Fold. Call-Check-Fold. Oh look! I have no chips left. Push with AK, get called by 1010...and I’m out!

Booo. Poker sucks. But it really doesn’t – I’m just not enjoying myself. The league games (the only live poker I’ve been able to squeeze in) just aren’t what they used to be. The games are too small, and all the people who make me laugh are gone. There are still people whom I like – but no one that I really look forward to interacting with.

If I’m going to burn money – I might as well do it while getting a few laughs at the same time. I need more pokery FUN.

I definitely want to stay playing Woody’s game again. Those boys always make me laugh. And I think it’s about time the TartWell residence hosted another homegame.

Any takers?

When the opportunity of a lifetime comes at the wrong time

Dude. It’s been forever since I blogged or read a blog (other than other mommy journals and Julius Goat’s LOST recaps).

I haven’t played poker online in...I can’t even remember.

My live poker has dwindled to maybe twice a month.

The Pokertart is feeling decidedly less...tart, these days.

I just caught up on all my bloglines feeds. It felt weird – almost like I was eavesdropping. I’ve been pondering why, after it was such a big part of my life, poker has fallen by the wayside. I do still watch it on TV (oh lordy do those GoDaddy commercials featuring Vanessa Rousso make me cringe), but for the most part, I’ve put it on the back burner. Of course, H has a lot to do with it. Becoming a parent sucks a whole lot of energy out of you – but there’s more...I think it boils down to an opportunity I turned down, and how it has made me view poker.

When H was 4 months old, I turned down a ‘dream’ job in the poker industry. I had verbally accepted, but it took over 6 weeks for the contract to get put through, and by the time it arrived, I was simply too exhausted, physically and mentally, to contemplate taking a new job, especially one that would require travel, as this one did. I don’t regret my decision – I love my current job, and I know I made the right choice for where I was in my life then. But I do wonder what might have been had I taken that job.

I think a part of me is afraid to embrace poker as I did before I had H, because if I do, perhaps I’ll find myself full of regret. If I dive into the poker world with as much enthusiasm as I had a year ago, will I long for a life I turned down?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

***
The other day, Banky mentioned that he’d like us to try and win our way to the 2010 WSOP. H will be almost 2 then, so will definitely be able to stay with my parents for a few days. I kind of like the idea of working towards a goal in poker...and I’d still like to be the first woman to win the Main Event.

C’mon now, a Pokertart can dream, can’t she?

H to the E to the L to the L to the Yeah!

In.

Does it ever get easier?

How do you Moms and Dads out there do it?

I'm STILL exhuasted, and grumpy, and I just want to sleep.

Please, please tell me it gets easier than this.

life tilt

I'm sick and tired and grumpy. I should not play poker like this...ever. Down two SNGs and a full buy-in at PLOHL. Bah.

At least I have this to cheer me up:

Feeling the felt again

I started getting butterflies shortly after dinner. I looked at the digital clock on the DVR as Banky fast-forwarded through the commercials on an episode of last week’s Poker After Dark.

7:18

“Is there money upstairs?” I asked. “Because I don’t have any on me.”

“Yes.” Banky replied. “I monied last week, remember?”

Right.

7:26

“What time should I leave?”

Banky looked at me like I had just sprouted a 2nd head.

“It’s 5 minutes away. Leave 5 minutes before you want to get there.”

Right. Of course.

The butterflies continued, and I started to feel silly. I’ve played more poker than I can remember. This was just a small game. The Thursday league. I’ve played with these guys over 100 times. Why was I feeling so nervous?

I had been looking forward to this night ever since Banky and I decided that we would rejoin the league after a one season absence. By alternating weeks, one of us would be able to play while the other stays home with little Tartwell.

But despite my anticipation – or perhaps because of it – I was a bundle of nerves.

Luckily, the nerves dissipated as soon as I walked into the home of the league director. Before I even saw anyone, I heard familiar voices and the riffle of chips. As I rounded the corner I was greeted with big smiles and a handshake. “Welcome back! You’re in seat 8”

And so it began.

I played average poker and finished 7th, but had a great time doing it.

Three months and nary a chip nor a card graced my hands. In the throes of new motherhood I lost many parts of myself - sitting at a poker table reminded me of an old part of me. A part I liked, a part I missed.

I'm back and boy does it ever feel good.

That's a lot of candles!

Warning: Poker content=0%

I’m 33 years old today. I’m not sure where I thought I’d be at 33, but I’m very content with where I’ve ended up.

Taking stock of my life…

Good column:
Handsome, funny husband who truly loves me.
Healthy son.
Positive (but not perfect) relationship with my parents.
A handful of smart, interesting, funny friends.
Nice house (with lots of potential).
Great job that pays me well.

Needs work column:
Weight is too high.
Fitness level is pretty weak.
Health isn’t ideal (kidneys)
Don’t spend enough time with friends.

The weight and fitness issues really go hand-in-hand. I’ll be starting Weight Watchers again once Henry reaches 6 weeks, and by that time I should be ready to get more serious about adding activity into my program. I really have no excuse, since we have a treadmill. And while improving the weight & fitness issues won’t eliminate my kidney disease, getting healthier will minimize the impact on my long-term health.

The friend issue has always been a tough one for me. I find it very hard to grow and maintain friendships. This year I’ve met some amazing people, but I find it hard to deepen those casual friendships. I also have some wonderful, loving people in my life, but I don’t make the effort to communicate with and spend more time with those people. Changing that would have a huge, positive, impact on my life.

Overall, I’ve got a great life and I’m happy. Not too shabby for 33.

Happy Birthday to me.