Coming up for air

I’m so out of the poker blog loop these days – I haven’t even been keeping up with Banky’s blog.

Work has been kicking my ass, as has the weather. When I’m not working, driving, or sleeping, I’m trying to figure out what the hell a breast pump is, and why on earth I might need one.

I am completely and utterly unprepared for motherhood. These days I’m not even sure I could handle the rigors of pet goldfish ownership.

When I’ve had a few moments of downtime – I’ve been getting killed at online poker. I took the day off on Friday...my big events for the day were getting my hair cut and avoiding the impending storm. As I had an afternoon free...me and my glorious new hairdo sat down for some FullTilt quality time. And I lost every game I played. With the exception of free points tourneys, I just lost and lost and lost. It was soul crushing.

The bad beats continued when Banky and I went to the UB Cross Canada Tour thing on Saturday. I’m extremely glad that we got free tickets, because had I paid $300, I would have been mighty pissed. It was interesting enough, I guess, but wasn’t worth $40, much less $300.

Sunday I played some more on FT during the day, and lost again and again. When I finally busted out of a 90-man knockout in 15th place tears actually welled up in my eyes. Banky looked at me like I was losing my mind. Crying over a poker game? I was mortified. I can assure you, losing $26 on teh interweb is not tear inducing to my finances. It was the complete and utter frustration of losing YET again. And of course, since I religiously track my play, I had to enter another ‘minus’ into my results spreadsheet. I shut the computer off, and then went and had a long, hot shower.

I’m not sure I have all the answers as to why I’ve been such a consistent loser this year (and yes, so far in 2008 I am a losing player)...but I do know this. It’s not just bad beats. Sure, there have been more than a few ovary-crunching beats – but I’ve also been playing less than stellar poker. Poorly timed bluffs, calls instead of raises, playing passive when I should be aggressive (or vice versa). I’m not sure when I started to suck so badly, but I do know that I’ve been ultra-stressed at work (and somewhat at home), and that is never good for my game. I think that when I get stressed out, I gamble more. It’s like I’m looking for that rush of a win, as opposed to really enjoying the game for the game.