Escape from working and pseudo-philosophy

I’ve been writing a design document on a big project for pretty much the entire day. It’s safe to say my brain is fried. What better way to ease a sizzled melon than with a blog post?!

Last night was the Thursday League’s season-ending game (each season is 12 weeks long). I went out 15th out of 16th. Boooo. Is there any solace in not being the chump? Not really!

Just like my play there for most of the season, I just couldn’t make things happen. It’s funny, I actually almost broke even this season due to a few money finishes, but overall – it just hasn’t been a good run. I never went on a tear – every money finish was a real scraping battle.

Due to the impending arrival of the Spawn (tm Cayne) I won’t participate in the next season, and I’m glad for the break. I nearly stopped going last season as I was so dissatisfied with the structure – but changes were made, and the game improved tremendously…but the truth is, I still need a break. I’m just not ‘feeling it’ right now.

Truth be told, I haven’t felt on my game for awhile now – and while I hadn’t seriously considered it before, a couple comments to my last entry made me realize that being pregnant probably does have something to do with it! Being tired, nauseous, worried, tired, excited, tired, achy, tired and tired surely doesn’t help my poker game.

I’m still going to play until the baby is born (well, maybe not right up to the minute!) but I think I’m going to give myself a little break on the results part, and just enjoy the game for the sake of playing.

***

Banky didn’t have a great game either last night – and if you’ve read Banky's blog or played with him, you know he’s an emotional player. He takes losing very hard. Over time we’ve come to a bit of an understanding…he vents, I listen, and then it’s over.

I’ve recently been reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth – and while it has absolutely nothing to do with poker, I had a lightbulb moment last night with Banky as we were rehashing the game.

I won’t even try to summarize Tolle’s theories as they are complex and not easy to explain (at least by this Tart) But he talks a lot about how the ego in us (i.e. the voice in our head) is different from who we really are (the ‘being’ who is aware of the voice in our head), and how the ego is always trying to identify with thoughts and things, to distract us from truly living in the present moment. One of the ways that the ego does this is through complaining,and as Banky vented last night, I realized that he was totally identifying with the results of his poker game. It was as if the bad beats, or bad cards, or bad luck were somehow a reflection of him…when the reality of the situation was NONE OF IT MATTERED.

Right there, in that moment, as we were sitting side by side with each other – did it matter who won, or who lost? Did the turn of a card have any impact on who he was? Even if he had won, did it change who he was as a being?

Clearly the answer was no. I think it was an interesting discussion, and I know Banky came out of 'venting' mode a lot sooner than usual!

Any book that can do that, has got to be a keeper. Hopefully Banky will read my copy when I'm done.