Oh, right. Manners.

Banky's out playing squash (his new obsession), the baby (when, officially, can I stop calling him the baby, anyway?) is sleeping, so here I find myself in front of FullTilt. Lately I only have time for 15-30 minutes here and there, so I've been limited to small-stakes ring games....but since I have more time tonight, I decided to fire up a SNG.

Just as the game starts, another player wished everyone good luck.

I honestly did a double take. It's been so long since I've been at a poker table with strangers where there was any sort of geniality. I was a little shocked.

And then I remembered how poker was when I started playing. People would say good luck, and good game, and nice hand (or GL, GG, and NH). It was rare that anyone spewed the venom and hate that I saw so much that I started tuning the chat out (or outright turning it off at times). When did everyone get so mean?

It took me a few seconds - but I responded to the other player, wishing them luck, too. I busted early - I hope Ms.Friendly goes on to win it...

7 years

In an attempt to find an appropriate picture to commemorate our 7th year of wedded bliss, I took a quick scan of Banky’s pics on Facebook, and discovered something shocking.

It appears that being married to me has made Banky turn to the bottle.









Happy Anniversary, Babe! Hope the next 7 are as filled with margaritas as the past 7 have been. Oh, and love and joy and all that other stuff, too.

Giving today a chance

I always liked the first day of school. It was nerve-wracking, but there was always a sense of promise, of a fresh start - this year, things will be better. I will be cooler, I will have more friends, I will be smarter, and I will actually do my homework. And of course, there was the new clothes, which were always just a touch too heavy to wear in early September, but I wore them anyway.

I'm not going back to school - but I want a new wardrobe anyway. If I can't actually have a fresh start, at least I can get a new pair of shoes...

***

Been suckered into playing every day on FullTilt (at least for a few minutes) in their Take 2 ring game promo. I both love and hate poker equally. Poker is like the worst boyfriend you could ever have. Makes you feel beautiful and then screws your best friend. But I come back for more, because I CAN CHANGE HIM. *sigh*

***

Kevin Smith did a 24-hour tweet-a-thon on Twitter yesterday/today. I only saw a handful of his tweets this morning, and this one resonated with me...

ThatKevinSmith Via @Tkide "give me some inspiration to make it through the work day" Today could rule. Give it a chance.

Today could rule. Give it a chance. I like it. I like it a lot.

The edge of the universe and trip Kings

Yesterday, my mind was blown not once, but twice.

First, Bankwell and I have been watching Journey to the Edge of the Universe. We PVR’d it awhile ago and have watching it in bits here and there (mostly because the visuals & narration are at the exact right frequency to send me into dreamland). The content, however, is anything but snoozeworthy.

The documentary combines actual images from telescopes & space probes and combines it with CGI to take the viewer on an exploration through the universe. Pretty trippy.

We stopped last night when we reached the Crab Nebula. I’m learning all sorts of fascinating tidbits – like stars are actually nuclear reactions – freaky! But what blew my mind was when we got to a black hole – something so dense and with such strong gravity that not even light can escape – everything that approaches the black hole gets sucked in,...the narrator said something like this: “what happens when matter goes into a black hole, we do not know. We have reached the end of human understanding”. Whoa.

I’m pretty sure this is out on DVD – I highly recommend it.

And then, my mind was blown in a completely different way in a $20 SNG last night.

I get pocket Kings in late position and raise 3xBB (I’m so predictable). Blinds call and UTG limper calls.

Flop comes 10, 6, 3 two diamonds. Checked to me, I bet about 2/3rds of the pot.

Blinds fold, limper calls. Hmmm...does he have a set?

Turn K (not a diamond). Yippie!

Bet 2/3rds of the pot again (looking rather silly mind you, because I’m left with only about 400 chips...I thought it was a total ‘call me’ bet).

Limper calls. Must have a flush draw.

River 9, no diamond. He must have missed his draw – not likely going to make more money….but I’ll give it a shot. So I go all in (which coincidently puts him all in as he had slightly less than me).

He thinks for a bit, and calls. With A3. No flush draw, just a 3 that paired on the flop. HUH?

I had to check the hand history twice. He called all the way with bottom pair, and then called off his whole stack on the river.

I have absolutely no idea what he was thinking. Most of the time, when people play ‘badly’, I can understand how they might have justified it to themselves (hell, I’ve done a lot of justification of my own craptastic play), but this? It just left me scratching my head.

I managed to use that nicely wrapped gift to finish 2nd while also making a little profit in a PLOHL cash game. Yay me!

How having a baby has ruined my poker game (and why I’m ok with it).

Annie Duke played the WSOP 8 months pregnant one year. How she did it, I do not know. I lost my poker game sometime around month 6. I think the growing baby living in my uterus somehow siphoned all my brain juice (that’s a medical term, yo), and I became unable to make any proper analytical decision.

Sample discussion of a typical post-game analysis:

Banky: Why did you call that raise?

Me: Um. I don’t know?

Banky: There was a 4 card flush on the board.

Me: Um. Yes.

Banky: What did you have?

Me: I forget.

But, you know, pregnancy can do weird shit to you. So I chalked it up to my status as a human incubator, and shrugged it off. Then I actually had the baby and, well, that was some insanity all on it’s own. ‘Nuff said.

When I finally (after 7.5 months) started getting some sleep, I thought my game might come back. Nope. I still suck. I chase flushes and open-ended straight draws are my own personal kryptonite. Raising pre-flop is a foreign concept to me. Value-bet on the river – why would I do that?

Why this has all happened, I’m not quite sure. I’m only half kidding about the brain juice – my memory really is for shit these days. But maybe it’s something more...maybe karma has decided that my life is an embarrassment of riches (good job, hot husband, and now a lovely happy, healthy, little boy) and decided to smite me with the poker game of a blue-haired old lady at a charity casino. If that’s the case, then I’m cool with it. I’d rather lose to a 2 outer on the river because I checked the whole way, then change anything about TartWell – because he, dear friends, is the stone-cold nuts.

I post, therefore I am.

I write about myself on Facebook, Twitter, LiveJournal and here. And you know what? I’m just not that interesting. I am, however, narcissistic, so I shall continue.

Last Thursday was the Season Final game for the Poker League. I was once a regular fixture in this game – so much so that at one point, Banky and I had attended more games than the league host (he went out of town for 3 weeks, and we hosted the weekly games at our house in his absence) – but this season I barely qualified to play in the final, just barely squeaking out the minimum 4 of 12 games to play.

I think part of my ennui with poker these days is because I am playing like shite, and I know it.

My starting requirements are so loose – I can find almost any reason to call. 10 5 off suit? Well, you know a 5 or a 10 is needed to make any straight. And with two suits, I have TWO chances to make a flush!

Loose starting requirements are ok, to an extent, but only if you’re able to pick up orphan pots. Not when you check/fold when you miss.

I know this, yet what do I do? Call-Check-Fold. Call-Check-Fold. Call-Check-Fold. Oh look! I have no chips left. Push with AK, get called by 1010...and I’m out!

Booo. Poker sucks. But it really doesn’t – I’m just not enjoying myself. The league games (the only live poker I’ve been able to squeeze in) just aren’t what they used to be. The games are too small, and all the people who make me laugh are gone. There are still people whom I like – but no one that I really look forward to interacting with.

If I’m going to burn money – I might as well do it while getting a few laughs at the same time. I need more pokery FUN.

I definitely want to stay playing Woody’s game again. Those boys always make me laugh. And I think it’s about time the TartWell residence hosted another homegame.

Any takers?

When the opportunity of a lifetime comes at the wrong time

Dude. It’s been forever since I blogged or read a blog (other than other mommy journals and Julius Goat’s LOST recaps).

I haven’t played poker online in...I can’t even remember.

My live poker has dwindled to maybe twice a month.

The Pokertart is feeling decidedly less...tart, these days.

I just caught up on all my bloglines feeds. It felt weird – almost like I was eavesdropping. I’ve been pondering why, after it was such a big part of my life, poker has fallen by the wayside. I do still watch it on TV (oh lordy do those GoDaddy commercials featuring Vanessa Rousso make me cringe), but for the most part, I’ve put it on the back burner. Of course, H has a lot to do with it. Becoming a parent sucks a whole lot of energy out of you – but there’s more...I think it boils down to an opportunity I turned down, and how it has made me view poker.

When H was 4 months old, I turned down a ‘dream’ job in the poker industry. I had verbally accepted, but it took over 6 weeks for the contract to get put through, and by the time it arrived, I was simply too exhausted, physically and mentally, to contemplate taking a new job, especially one that would require travel, as this one did. I don’t regret my decision – I love my current job, and I know I made the right choice for where I was in my life then. But I do wonder what might have been had I taken that job.

I think a part of me is afraid to embrace poker as I did before I had H, because if I do, perhaps I’ll find myself full of regret. If I dive into the poker world with as much enthusiasm as I had a year ago, will I long for a life I turned down?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

***
The other day, Banky mentioned that he’d like us to try and win our way to the 2010 WSOP. H will be almost 2 then, so will definitely be able to stay with my parents for a few days. I kind of like the idea of working towards a goal in poker...and I’d still like to be the first woman to win the Main Event.

C’mon now, a Pokertart can dream, can’t she?

H to the E to the L to the L to the Yeah!

In.

Does it ever get easier?

How do you Moms and Dads out there do it?

I'm STILL exhuasted, and grumpy, and I just want to sleep.

Please, please tell me it gets easier than this.

life tilt

I'm sick and tired and grumpy. I should not play poker like this...ever. Down two SNGs and a full buy-in at PLOHL. Bah.

At least I have this to cheer me up:

Feeling the felt again

I started getting butterflies shortly after dinner. I looked at the digital clock on the DVR as Banky fast-forwarded through the commercials on an episode of last week’s Poker After Dark.

7:18

“Is there money upstairs?” I asked. “Because I don’t have any on me.”

“Yes.” Banky replied. “I monied last week, remember?”

Right.

7:26

“What time should I leave?”

Banky looked at me like I had just sprouted a 2nd head.

“It’s 5 minutes away. Leave 5 minutes before you want to get there.”

Right. Of course.

The butterflies continued, and I started to feel silly. I’ve played more poker than I can remember. This was just a small game. The Thursday league. I’ve played with these guys over 100 times. Why was I feeling so nervous?

I had been looking forward to this night ever since Banky and I decided that we would rejoin the league after a one season absence. By alternating weeks, one of us would be able to play while the other stays home with little Tartwell.

But despite my anticipation – or perhaps because of it – I was a bundle of nerves.

Luckily, the nerves dissipated as soon as I walked into the home of the league director. Before I even saw anyone, I heard familiar voices and the riffle of chips. As I rounded the corner I was greeted with big smiles and a handshake. “Welcome back! You’re in seat 8”

And so it began.

I played average poker and finished 7th, but had a great time doing it.

Three months and nary a chip nor a card graced my hands. In the throes of new motherhood I lost many parts of myself - sitting at a poker table reminded me of an old part of me. A part I liked, a part I missed.

I'm back and boy does it ever feel good.

That's a lot of candles!

Warning: Poker content=0%

I’m 33 years old today. I’m not sure where I thought I’d be at 33, but I’m very content with where I’ve ended up.

Taking stock of my life…

Good column:
Handsome, funny husband who truly loves me.
Healthy son.
Positive (but not perfect) relationship with my parents.
A handful of smart, interesting, funny friends.
Nice house (with lots of potential).
Great job that pays me well.

Needs work column:
Weight is too high.
Fitness level is pretty weak.
Health isn’t ideal (kidneys)
Don’t spend enough time with friends.

The weight and fitness issues really go hand-in-hand. I’ll be starting Weight Watchers again once Henry reaches 6 weeks, and by that time I should be ready to get more serious about adding activity into my program. I really have no excuse, since we have a treadmill. And while improving the weight & fitness issues won’t eliminate my kidney disease, getting healthier will minimize the impact on my long-term health.

The friend issue has always been a tough one for me. I find it very hard to grow and maintain friendships. This year I’ve met some amazing people, but I find it hard to deepen those casual friendships. I also have some wonderful, loving people in my life, but I don’t make the effort to communicate with and spend more time with those people. Changing that would have a huge, positive, impact on my life.

Overall, I’ve got a great life and I’m happy. Not too shabby for 33.

Happy Birthday to me.

back in the saddle

It only took 3 weeks for the poker bug to hit. Henry has gotten into a bit of a routine, and will happily sleep in my arms as I use the computer one handed, so I've been able to play a little poker this week.

Before he was born, I used some FT points and played a 600 point token tourney...winner gets a $26 token. I won that and played another tourney and won a $75 token, and then played a 3rd tourney and won over $200 in $T. I then played some micro limit SNGs, so I had a little over $13, plus the $T at the start of this week.

I've been playing micro limit PLOHL as well as some tourneys. Apart from winning a $5 HORSE sng, the tourneys have been rough...getting deep but not moneying. The micro PLOHL however, has been a cash cow.

It's been fun to play, because it gives me something to think about other than the colour and consistency of Henry's poop.

Better than flopping a Royal Flush

Meet Henry



He was born at 6:46 on Wednesday, July 9th. He weighed in at a respectable 6lbs 9oz.

The birth was traumatic and the first 9 days were the most exhuasting (mentally, physically, and emotionally) of my life. But he's perfectly healthy, and so lovely and amazing.

He looks just like Banky (minus the goatee).

Poker is on the back-burner for now....any time not spent tending to Henry is spent trying to sleep. Hopefully I'll get back on the poker wagon when things settle into a more regular routine.

Busto!

It's official, I am busto. Well, at least online.

My FullTilt account contains the princely sum of $1.67. I'm so sick of the terrible beats (I know, 'wahhhhhh', but it's been bad for months), that I'm not sure I'm going to even bother reloading.

Live poker is the shizz anyway. Man I wish I was in Vegas right now.

Donkey crushes my horse!

A friend and fellow Thursday Night leaguer decided to play in WSOP Event #2 and offered up shares....I snapped up 10% because he's one of the best poker players I know.

I woke up this morning, checked my email and got a note from another backer....our Horse had been snapped off by a donkey. My horsey had AK, K on the flop....all the money goes in and he gets called by QQ. You guessed it....Q on the river.

I told Banky that all J had to do was avoid the bad beat pitfalls, and he'd do really well.

Ah well, there's always another tournament!

If you aren't already, run, don't walk to Tao of Poker. Seriously - there's no WSOP coverage like Pauly's.

And while I won't be able to make any Wsop tournaments this year, I may try a hand at some of the non-Hold'em MSOP tourneys on FullTilt. I love me some LO8 and SHL!

In need of a laugh?

If you haven't already, you must read Bam-Bam's post about Youranus.

Expose on the UltimateBet and Absolute Poker scandals

Through Pauly's blog, I found this article. I was already well aware of the Absolute scandal, but was only marginally aware of the situation with UltimateBet.

I post this excerpt from the "Intro" to the article, as well as the link to the entire thing, because I believe that we, as poker players and enthusiasts are responsible for protecting the integrity of the game. Only by shining the light into the dark corners of the world we inhabit, can we claim the game we love is a healthy pursuit. By chosing apathy, we're as bad as the cheaters and theives.

Please read and pass along to your poker playing friends.


I believe that it is important for online poker players to know about the unethical business practices of UltimateBet and Absolute Poker. It is also imperative to understand that these unscrupulous activities are not an indictment on the entire online poker industry. As you read this thread please keep in mind that UltimateBet and Absolute Poker are owned by the same company. They are also regulated by the same puppet regulatory commission. Most poker sites are run with the utmost integrity and security. UltimateBet and Absolute Poker are the exception and not the rule.

I urge the concerned reader to pass word of this summary on to other interested parties. The spread of this information will ultimately protect poker players from unknowingly exposing themselves to the corruption detailed below.

The full summary of the cheating scandals can be found here:

Superusers and Silence: How UltimateBet let players get cheated for millions

Poker + BBQ + Ice Cream cake = Pokertart heaven

I’m feeling like utter crap right now, due to a life circumstance that I won’t bore you with the details on; suffice it to say that I’ve learned a very valuable and expensive life lesson about trust.

Now onto some pokery goodness that will, hopefully, bring me out of my bad mood.

Saturday night Banky and I hosted a “season ending party” for the Thursday Night league. It was a tradition started after Season 2 (I think) where the season champ would host a little get together. Early on in the league, it was often either Banky or I who won the season, so we hosted our fair share of parties. A few others have also hosted, but for the past few seasons, there’s been no party. (Some recent season champs have not been very...um...hospitable or gracious about their wins. But that’s another story!)

This season’s champ has shown no interest in socializing with anyone outside of the game – so it wasn’t looking likely that there would be a party. Since I likely won’t be returning to the league for a while due to impeding baby arrival, I thought it was appropriate that Banky and I share some BBQ, Beer, and Bad Beats with our fellow leaguers.

Most of the regulars were able to make it, along with some wives & babies! It was a real ‘family affair’ (at least until the poker started). We had SO much food...I had the basics covered (burgers, dogs, salads), and almost everyone brought something...including a delish ice cream cake & of course, beer.

Since the league also invented a game we call “Polish Poker” (after one of the league members who is polish) we also had some interesting Polish beer, vodka and a cabbage & kielbasa stew!

We socialized & ate for quite awhile before the game started. It was awesome to be on the deck in our backyard. It was the perfect temperature, and everyone seemed really relaxed. At one point, I was laughing so hard (the topic was ‘at home vasectomy kits’ – with Banky acting out the scenario) that I thought ‘life doesn’t get better than this”.

After a couple hours, we descended into our rec room for the tournament. I busted out first after about an hour and a half. All in on the flop, I had top pair (Queens), opponent had Jack-high flush draw. He gets there. I play on FullTilt, so I wasn’t surprised.

Once about half of the players were out of the tourney, we started a cash game – I was up and down the whole night, and ended up down $30, but it was all good. Banky was up overall (I think).

It was just a good time overall, and exactly what I was hoping for. It’s nice to share a good meal, a good game, and some good laughs with people. You know?

Seriously?

Ok. Who did I piss off, that out of the last dozen online tournaments I've played, I've lost critical pots when my opponent catches a miracle card on the river?

I'm about to lose my mind.