Am I better because of poker? Part 5: Friendship + a little pimpage.

In this look at how poker has impacted my life, I’ll be covering the following topics:
- Finances
- Career
- Health
- Marriage
- Friendship

Welcome to Part 5: Friendship

Writing this series of posts has taken longer than I expected – and truth be told, I’ve been avoiding this last entry like the plague. Not because of the poker part, but because of the friendship part. I’m afraid that to look at the impact poker has had on friendship in my life, I’ll have to take an honest look at friendship before poker, and I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready for that.

But, I want to finish the series because not finishing it has held me from posting anything else of consequence, so here goes…

I’m a friendly person. I’m cheerful, I’m optimistic, I laugh easily and enjoy making others laugh. I feel like I’m likable, and make good company. Hell, I’d be friends with me. But all my life, I’ve had very few friends.

When I was very young, my parents had a close group of friends – they all had children in two waves; the first wave (which contained my older sister) was all girls. The second wave, 4 years later, contained me….and a bunch of boys. My first friend was David. Because our parents were best friends, we were joined at the hips as babies, and toddlers, and very young children. We did everything together….until we entered the first grade. He ran off with the boys, and I was left with the Stephanies and Jennifers of my age-group who didn’t seem to get me. I wasn’t a tom-boy, but I wasn’t a girly-girl either. Even at that age I was a plain-Jane bookworm, and I didn’t seem to fit in with anyone. You see, I didn’t really know how to socialize with girls. The older girls in my parents’ extended family wanted nothing to do with me (they were too old to hang out with a ‘baby’), so I either hung with the boys, or as I grew older and was no longer welcome there (ewww! girls are gross!), I hung with the adults, or, more often than not, a book.

What’s odd, is that I didn’t seem to have a problem socializing in a group – but I never made that one-on-one connection with anyone. I never had a ‘best friend’ that the girls around me all seemed to have.

I came close in the 4th grade – with Christie, who was a year older than me. We were in a 4/5 split and became close. We used to ride bikes, go swimming, and watch scary movies (Children of the Corn was our favourite). But then the school year came to an end. Christie was going to the Junior High, and told me that we couldn’t be friends anymore, because she wanted to be with a cool group at school. And I wasn’t cool. I was devastated. 3 years later I was walking home from school one day and passed Christie and one of her cool friends. As I walked by, she moo’d like a cow. Mean Girls indeed.

Junior High and High School were much the same story. I was fine in groups, always had someone to each lunch with, or play Echure with in the cafeteria, and had a couple of close friends, but was never the best friend. The closest I came was Laura – who I am still friends with to this day. However, there were three of us who hung out together, Laura and Leanne were ‘best-friends’, while I was a welcome, but very clear, first runner-up. Even now, as adults that dynamic exists, Leanne was Laura’s maid of honour, Laura will be the same in Leanne’s in her upcoming wedding.

I’m right there with the bridal showers & bachelorette parties…but haven’t quite reached BFF status. When it came down to it – in all situations, I was the one passed over.

Post-high school was all about teh interweb for me. Again, I found lots of friends – and one, truly best friend in Tonya. She and I are still wonderfully close. Except, that is, for proximity. She lived in Florida when I met her, moved to Tennessee for university, and now lives in Maryland. We stood up for each other in our weddings. She is the funniest, most loving, and dearest friend to me. Except we see each other once a year, at most, and communication (besides keeping tabs via personal blogs), is inconsistent. I know if she lived closer, we’d see each other all the time. But distance has not been kind to our friendship.

And thus lies my biggest problem - me. Lest you think this post is all ‘woe is me’. I know the reason I don’t have a bustling social calendar is my own social ineptitude! I am a terrible friend. I don’t call. I rarely email. I make no real efforts to foster a new friendship or to keep one alive.

I’ve never had trouble making “situational’ friends. If I see someone frequently, we become quite friendly. But as soon as that regular contact dies…it’s out of sight, out of mind. Well, not truly out of mind – I frequently think of those lost relationships, but don’t make the effort to reach out.

I’m not sure what my problem is. Maybe early rejection by peers makes me hesitant to put myself out there. Whatever the case. I can literally count on 1 hand the number of people I consider close to me. And that includes Banky (who, truly is my best friend and makes me happy every single day.)

So, happy, gregarious friendless loser meets poker. What happens then?

Well, I can easily say that poker has expanded my circle of friends. Poker has also expanded my horizons, and introduced me to wonderful people from many walks of life. I’ve slung chips and shared laughs with sports agents, bankers, coffee truck drivers, architectural students, used car salesmen, teachers, engineers, retail clerks, and computer technicians. I've socialized (both at and away from the felt), with people I never would have met otherwise.

It's strange, because I've become friends with people I regularly try to win money from. But there’s a camaraderie, and a sense of competition that draws us together.

Poker blogging has introduced me to another whole set of IFF’s (and some now visible ones). I’ve been happily amazed that there are people who regularly read my blog, and I can feel the beginnings of real friendships blooming. Through my writing, and reading of their writing, there’s a connection that feels very real.

And there are many others who touched me deeply when I shared some sad news early in the summer. Their simple comments meant more than could be imagined. While many of those commenters (and those who commented on our recent good news) aren’t close friends (at least not yet) – I felt embraced by a community at large. And that, my dears, is what poker has given me – a sense of belonging. And for a girl in a corner with a book, that’s pretty awesome.

~

Thanks for reading this self-indulgent series of posts. I did it more for me than for anyone…but I hope you learned a little more about me in the process.

And now, to read some REAL writing, head on over to Truckin’…



February 2008, Vol. 7, Issue 2
1. Benson and Hedges by Paul McGuire I looked at her arms and wrists. She didn't appear to be a cutter, but she listened to a lot of angry indie chick rock and idolized Ani DiFranco. Her sullenness always bothered me. I wanted to try to talk to her, but it was not easy. She used to sit in her room and drink alone... More

2. Declaration of Independence and Love by Betty Underground It felt like I had stopped breathing for minutes as he brushed his lips across mine, without touching them. Dusting them like feathers. My head grew light as he teased me. I was frozen. Suffocated by desire... More

3. The Big Empty by Johnny Hughes Ever time I see Dowd, he gets shorter. Used to be taller than me. They say he puts a drop of honey on everything he eats, and he gets Chinese herbs from a chiropractor... More

4. Squirrel Hunting with Pudddin' Tooth by Clay Champlin I was merely a hunter trying to kill him before he made it home. Without a word I pointed at the little grey dot bounding across the forest floor. Puddin' Tooth sprung to his feet, and we were off tracking the beast... More

5. Dragon Slayers and the Angry Villagers by Mini Waffles J and A heard about a war and it was about the angry villagers and the Charlyaters but the angry villagers had to fight to keep their lands. Then they signed up... More

Thank you Jordin Sparks!

I made my very first Superbowl related bet at a party on Sunday. I took the over on the length of the U.S. national anthem. Ship it!

If only all sports betting was as easy as this. But I know nothing about sports, and I’m no Pauly – so I’ll stick to poker.

I’ve been playing a lot of SHL on FullTilt lately. I made a killing at the 1/2 tables – experimented higher, and ultimately have had to come back down. I don’t know if it was variance, or my own ineptitude, but after a few lost buyins I decided I was above my pain threshold.

Overall, it’s a pretty stress-free game, which is right up my alley these days. It also requires patience, and that I pay attention…both skills that I need to work on.

There was poker at the Superbowl party – and Banky and I cleaned up. The first two were just short SNGs before everyone got there. Top 2 paid, and in the first we both busted out…in the second I took second. Then we played two rebuy games. Again, top two spots paid, and both times, it ended up with he and I as the final two. Everyone expected us to chop when it got down to us (which we did – the first time, because everyone was waiting to start a a second game, and the second time because I was exhausted and wanted to go home). It kind of bugs me that everyone assumes we’ll just chop because we’re married. While we do pool our bankroll, we track all our play separately…and we are very competitive – I want to WIN, not chop. Oh well.

Truth be told, I didn’t even want to play the second game – but I didn’t just want to take the money and run after the first game ended, so I figured we’d ‘donate’ back some money and then we could leave when we busted. Um. Nope…we took it down. I wonder if we’ll get invited back.

At least they can’t accuse us of taking advantage of drunks. I may have been sober, but true to form, Banky drank for two. At one point, the host’s wife even commented “I’ve never seen someone so eager to take shots. He even says ‘yes, please’ when I offer them”. That’s my Banky.

This is when I love poker the most...

Banky and I hosted a game on Saturday night – it wasn’t the first game we’ve ever hosted, but it was the first in awhile, and the first in which the attendees all didn’t know each other before.

Truthfully, I was a bit anxious. I always get nervous when I have people over…I want people to have a good time – but as I’ve learned over the years, when the people you invite over are fun & awesome, you don't have to worry.

We had a bunch from the Thursday league, Bill (of Woody’s fame – Bill=Woody), a friend from work & her husband, and the lovely Kat.

We started pretty much on time – with only Bill running late due to work. Banky and I decided to use the WSOP prelim events structure with 25 minute blinds, and we had a starting stack of 4,000 chips. The idea was to give everyone a lot of play – we were there for fun, and busting out in 20 minutes isn’t fun.

I squeaked my way into 3rd, and then played in the cash game until 1:00am which is late for me....these days I'm lucky to make it past 9:30!. Since I'm eating for two these days, Banky took one for the team and drank for two (maybe even three based on the number of Sleeman's empties I cleaned up), and I know he made out ok in the cash game. But even better than having a profitable night, was having a basement full of people who make me happy.

I don’t know about everyone else – but I had an amazing time. At one point I was laughing so hard I was crying (and that’s the best kind of laughter).

Poker, laughter, good people. If that’s not the recipe for a good night, I don’t know what is.

We'll be doing this again...and soon!

Grizzle, good beats, and the truth about December

Sam Grizzle is one funny dude.

Last week’s Poker After Dark featured famous “Hecklers” – and the highlight for me was Sam Grizzle. I’ve read a lot about Sam, but had never seen him in action. He truly was as funny as his reputation, and I loved hearing some of his stories. I wasn’t that impressed with his play (he seemed to find the exact wrong time to bluff, every time he tried). But I enjoyed watching him at the table.

It got to heads-up between Shawn Sheikhan and Phil Helmuth, and Shawn was horribly out-matched. I think Phil’s ego needs a seat of it’s own, but there’s no doubt he can play, and he outplayed Shawn completely.

-----------------------

I had a good poker moment on Saturday night. But first, I have to tell a bad beat story. I will not pay you $2 for listening…you can skip by the story itself if you wish…

***Bad beat story begins***

20 player game, I made it to the final table with a short stack. There are 8 players left. I just scooped a nice pot without having to show down. I’m in late position (1 off the button) and the blinds are 150/300 with a 50 ante. As I’m stacking my chips from the last pot, a player in early position raises to 1000, and gets two smooth callers. I look down at two red Aces. Gorgeous. I push all in (only about 2500 more). The early position player calls immediately, and both the other players hem and haw before folding.

I immediately flip over my aces, and my opponent flips over AsKs.

The flop is Qh, Jh, 3s.
Turn is 8h

Someone calls for a 10 – but Banky says “10 of hearts" which would give me the flush. Of course, it’s the 10 of clubs that falls on the river, and I lose to a 2 outer.

***Bad beat story ends***

Despite the bad beat, it was a good poker moment for me – because I didn’t get mad, not at all. I felt flabbergasted, but not mad. I didn’t feel frustrated, or hold any bad feelings towards the other player. To me, that was a very good thing, and a sign that I’m maturing as a poker player.

-------------------------

And now the real reason Banky and I didn’t go to the blogger event in Vegas…

We’re on a bracelet race of our own, but a bracelet race of a different kind:



I’m due in July, so in December I was knee deep in morning sickness and daily naps. Not sure I would have been in any shape to meet a bunch of poker bloggers for the first time.

I’m definitely up for Eh-Vegas though, albeit a much more sober version than I’d like! So I hope to see a bunch of you there...

Monday sucks balls

I’m not in a good mood today. I’m tired, grouchy, and if the sun doesn’t shine sometime in the next week, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.

Thank god for a mindless meme. This one comes to me courtesy of the lovely Kat.

****

Here are the rules: Put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each question. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.

30 Songs:

How am I feeling today? Hella Good

Will I get far in life? King of Swing

What's your current state of mind? On the Grind

How do my friends see me? Auf Achse

Where will I get married? Every Breath You Take

What is your view of marriage? Queen of the Air

What is my best friend's theme song? Three Imaginary Boys

What is the story of my life? Interesting Drug

What is/was high school like? Perfect Strangers

How can I get ahead in life? Everyone Says Hi

What is the best thing about me? Brown Eyed Girl

What is today going to be like? Low Low Low

What is in store for this weekend? The Boogie Bumper

Describe my parents? You And I Are a Gang of Losers

Describe my grandparents? So What

How is my life going? Air Force Ones

What song will they play at my funeral? He Knows I’d Love to See Him

How does the world see me? Sexy

Will I have a happy life? The Night Has Opened My Eyes

What do my friends really think of me? Pimp Juice

Do people secretly lust after me? Breakfast in Bed

How can I make myself happy? Baseline

What should I do with my life? Batter Up

Will I ever have children? My Sexual Life

What is some good advice for me? William, It Was Really Nothing

How will I be remembered? #1

What is my signature dancing song? Empty

What is my current theme song? Here We Go Again

What do people think my current theme song is? Maddest Kind of Love

What type of men/women do you like? Cool Wit it

Some of those were pretty close to what I would have picked. Others, not so much.

**********

I just remembered something I wanted to post about....

Banky and I PVR Poker After Dark, and last week's final episode was hilarious. Gavin Smith was obviously well into the bevvies by the time it was heads-up between he and Phil Ivey. He ended up winning, but that was irrelevant. What was entertaining was watching his drunken babble as he tried to engage Phil in coversation. Several times Phil just couldn't help but break into a huge smile.

I like Gavin Smith - he was gracious when we met him in Vegas in 2006. Wow. I bet that's the first time "gracious" has been used in the same sentence as Gavin Smith! But it's true. It was nice to see him win, especially when trashed.

Am I better because of poker? Part 4: Marriage

In this look at how poker has impacted my life, I’ll be covering the following topics:

- Finances
- Career
- Health
- Marriage
- Friendship

Welcome to Part 4: Marriage

Since Banky and I had a fight this morning, I thought what better time to write about our marriage. If only I was kidding. But seriously, who doesn’t want to plan a Vegas trip as he’s about to head into the shower? Seize the moment, I say!

This morning’s argument is a prime example of how different our temperaments are. Banky is a planner – I’m a spur of the moment kind of person. When Banky needed a new car, he did weeks and weeks of research. I bought the one I thought looked cool and felt good during a test drive. I trust my instincts, while Banky trusts the facts. It’s amazing that we ever agree on anything (when the reality is, we actually agree on almost everything).

But back to the task at hand – how has poker affected our relationship?

Banky and I got together long before I had ever felt the weight of a poker chip in my hand. He was a friend of a friend, and in our very early 20s, we attended many of the same parties. After about a year of peripheral friendship, we connected (over a game of trivial pursuit, no less.)

One awkward first date later, we were joined at the hip. That was 10 years ago.

We’ve grown so much since those early days. We’ve been laid-off, quit, hired and fired. We’ve had surgeries, car accidents, witnessed the joy of a new life beginning, and the sorrow of too many lives ending. We became first-time home owners together, got married, and saw our friends marry (and some divorce). But through it all, we’ve laughed. There are very few people who can make me laugh as hard as Banky can.

Our relationship with poker started well into our relationship with each other. We’d always been game players – we spent many a late night playing Euchre with friends. But it wasn’t until poker that we became fully immersed in a game.

It started with watching poker on TV, and then watching Rounders, then nervously playing at the Flamingo in Las Vegas. Soon after followed online poker – and that’s when the poker affair got serious. We played frequently. Almost exclusively side-by-side. He’d play while I watched, or I’d play while he watched. It was fun and exciting as we learned the game together.

We found a local home game that we played weekly, and within 6 months, poker was an every day conversation.

Over the past few years, we’ve had so many shared experiences through poker. It always amazes me when we go to home games filled with men who are there to escape their wives. There’s one player we play with frequently who has to get ‘permission’ to play (no joke!). Another player’s wife constantly complains about the money he’s spending. But most of the wives I’ve encountered are ambivalent of poker, and somewhat disdainful of me for playing ‘with the boys’. Many of these players spend as much time playing poker as I do – and that’s time away from their partners. But I can’t imagine investing myself so fully in something that I couldn’t share with my partner. How can someone understand the joy of a win, or the agony of a bubble finish, unless they’ve experienced it themselves?

In addition to the shared experiences, Banky and I have also benefitted from an accelerated poker education, because we’ve been both student and teacher to each other.

Many times after a poker game, we’ve gone over hands or situations and talked about why we did what we did. We’ve celebrated together, and commiserated together. Ultimately educating each other in the process. We've read poker books one after another (and sometimes simultaneously) and discussed the concepts. Sometimes agreeing with the author, and sometimes not. We always have each other to bounce ideas off of. Without Banky, I'd still have trouble understanding pot odds, or why calling a re-re-raise with pocket Jacks might not be the best idea.

So far, it all sounds rosy – but ever silver lining has a dark cloud...

It’s not always easy when your best friend and partner is sitting across the table from you; especially when you go on tilt and make an incredibly stupid mistake. Many times I wished my husband was safely at home so I could entertain him with the story of how I got sucked out on the river to lose – as opposed to him knowing I called off three quarters of my stack with middle pair. Knowing that he knows what a donk you just were can be embarrasing.

It can be extremely frustrating to still be steaming from your bad exit from a game, and to have your partner say “why did you do that?”. There have been many post tournament temper flares (although luckily, they flame our pretty quickly - especially with the aid of a cold beer and a cuddle on the couch).

It can also be boring sitting around after you’ve chumped out, waiting for your loved one to (hopefully) cash, so that your 3 hours of waiting are worth it.

There have been trying times when one of us or the other is on a losing streak. Banky and I handle variance in very different ways – I get non-chalant (and sometimes reckless with my online bankroll), while he gets pessimistic and angry. It’s difficult - wanting to help, but not being able to find the right words to bring someone out of a dark space.

Ultimately though, there have been so many more light, wonderful moments than dark ones.

As I see couples who have been together for a long time begin to drift apart, I’m thankful that Banky and I have a shared hobby that we are both so enthusiastic about.

For me, the answer in this category is clear: poker has definitely been good for my marriage, and my marriage has definitely been good for my poker!

My year so far...

With my lack of posting over the last week or so, you think I’d have been bereft of poker games. Nothing could be farther from the truth!

Our Thursday league had it’s season ending tournament – and it was a disappointment. I gained a lot of chips early on, and lost them shortly after the break. But I wasn’t all that disappointed in my play – I had AK 6 times before the break…in the league structure, 2 or 3 continuation bets that don’t pan out can ruin your stack, and that’s what happened. Que sera sera.

What I was really disappointed about happened after Banky and I left. He wrote about it, so I won’t bother rehashing all the details. But it just struck me as so sad and pathetic that people would chop 5 ways in a 13 player game. How desperate must you be to leave with money in your pocket that you’d have so little regard for the game that you’d chop when barely over half of the players were gone? If people need money that bad, they shouldn’t be playing in the game to begin with.

I can understand if HUGE amounts of money are on the line. I hate chops (the few times I’ve succumbed to them, I’ve felt very dirty afterwards) – but if I was at a WPT final table, where the difference between 4th and 1st is hundreds of thousands of dollars, I’d definitely consider a chop - especially if I doubted my skills in comparison to the other players. But on Thursday we were talking about a total prize pool of less than $1000.

The whole thing grossed me out – especially when the story that was related to us included the host of the league literally yelling “chop” after every hand for 5 minutes. Asking for a chop is one thing, intimidating other players into chopping is another.

I told Banky that I was unequivicably done with the league – at least for the next season. The league was no longer fun for me – and I suspect for other players as well. I was done before the beginning of this season, but gave it ‘one more try’ because we’ve been with the league since the beginning – but I can’t keep spending a night a week in a game that frustrates me so much. Not when there are so many other fun options.

We also had the final game of the season at Woody’s. It was on New Year’s Eve – so was a mix of a poker game and a party. We had tons of fun. Even though I busted first (I think), I had a smile on my face. We played a second SNG, I didn’t make the money again – and then after midnight decided to play a cash game. About 2:00 in the morning, I was felted when a VERY drunk player flopped a straight on me, and I decided not to buy back in. Banky was having fun, and another player begged me not to stop playing, so I bought back in. And doubled up with Kings on the very next hand. Sometimes poker is so funny. Banky and I ended up slightly up for the night (good cash game results made up for the bad tourney results).

Finally, last night was the Woody’s TOC. I did my usual – build up a nice big stack early on, and then blind it away in the late stages. I think I went out 6th. I was very card dead, but I can’t fully blame that. I should have used my big stack to my advantage more. You can’t always wait for good cards. I also made a HUGE mistake early on by not raising with the nuts on the river. I was so distracted that I didn’t make the flush I was hoping to make, that I only called with my nut straight. Had I thought for 2 seconds I would have realized I had the nuts. D’oh.

I’ve also been playing some online poker again. I got a 3rd place finish in a $20+2 HORSE MTT on FullTilt. Which was a good thing, because I had run my online bankroll dangerously close to nada. I decided that I needed some focus and discipline (I get bored easily online and play above my bankroll, stay longer than I should, and pretty much just piss my money away) – so I looked up the rules that Chris Ferguson used to turn his $0 into $10,000. I’ve been using the rules to manage my play at the low-limit HORSE games, and have been having fun. I’ve increased my FT bankroll by 14% - not too shabby.

So that's the start to my 2008. I think it's going to be a very good year for the Bankster and I. I'm going to focus on playing games I enjoy, and with discipline that makes it profitable.

2 posts in 1 day. I'm exhuasted!

Am I better because of poker? Part 3: Health

In this look at how poker has impacted my life, I’ll be covering the following topics:

- Finances
- Career
- Health
- Marriage
- Friendship

Welcome to Part 3: Health

This will be the shortest of the topics I cover – not because health isn’t important to me, but because the impact poker has had on my health is negligible.

Growing up, I was a chubby bookworm. As an adult, I was much more than chubby & a couch potato. In my late 20s I joined Weight Watchers and lost 100lbs – I have more or less maintained that loss since then…although I was, and still am, far from my goal. To achieve a normal weight, I had to lose almost exactly 1 half of the weight I started with. Pretty crazy.

But I’m way healthier now than I was then, so while I’m far from goal, I’m in a much better place.

All that happened before poker though. Since poker, nothing much has changed health wise. It’s not as if I had an active lifestyle that I abandoned for the lethargy of online poker. I was pretty lethargic then – I’ve just traded in the TV remote for the mouse or the live game.

So physically – it’s a wash.

A TuckFard Experience

Last night Banky, Kat and I had our first, official, TuckFard experience.

The drive up north took a lot less longer than I anticipated – so when we were almost there 45 minutes early, we took a quick side trip to Starbucks for a latte (for Banky) and a Strawberry Fappuccino (for me). I’ve been craving a strawberry milkshake for weeks – and this finally satisfied it. Somehow I knew this was a good omen for the night.

We arrive just on time, braved the icebergs on Carson’s street, were greeted at the door by Carson himself, and we were whisked into the Carsino. I’ve played poker in quite a few home games, but I think the Carsino has the sweetest set-up I’ve seen…let’s just say he and his lovely wife know how to host a game!

I spotted Bam-Bam right away. He came over to shake my hand, and I was having none of it! It was a hug or nothing! Lucky for him, he obliged ;) Pebbles insisted on her hug too, and then the introductions began. I was worried about my piss-poor short term memory and forgetting everyone’s name…but because I knew them all by their online names, it was surprisingly easy.

Everyone was smiling, laughing, chatting away. In ‘real life’ I find it quite difficult to socialize with new people, but the TuckFards were so welcoming that within minutes I felt like I was one of the gang. I don’t know if all poker blogger gatherings are like this, but if they are, I can’t wait to meet more of you!

Kat arrived shortly after we did, and the poker started soon after.

And the poker was awesome. The structure was so good – it was definitely designed for play. We didn’t lose a player for over and hour and a half! Unfortunately, that player was Banky – but I’ll let him tell his own stories. I was seated with Carson on my right, SuzyQ on my left, and Pebbles, Mike, and Kathy. After about 10 minutes, Carson joked that the random seat generator put all the chatty-kathy’s on one table (not ours) – but between listening to the stories from the other table, and doing a little chatting ourselves, we held our own.

The TuckFard poker play was exactly the kind of play I like – they take the poker, but not themselves, seriously. So it’s a solid game of poker, but fun and lively. A real joy to play.

I didn’t get many hands early on – but at a crucial time I was able to take some big pots, and went into the final table as chipleader. However, the final table was not kind to me at first, and I folded away half my stack. I was extremely lucky in two major hands – I won a race against Bam-Bam with AQd when he held Jacks. Then came the hand of my night.

I had been folding A LOT, and I picked up KQo in middle position. Not a stellar hand, but the table wasn’t overly aggressive and I figured I could go in for a steal.

The blinds were 400/800 with a 200 ante. So I raised to 2400. To my surprise, Carson reraised all-in for 5900 more. CRAP.

Bam-Bam tanked. Double Crap. Then he folded. NutzFirth also painfully folded. It was them my turn to tank. I rarely take a long time to make decisions, but this one required some thought. I didn’t want to call – but I thought I probably had the odds…I knew I needed to do some math. And like Barbie says…”Math is Hard” – but I did my best…

We were 7 handed, so there was 1400 in antes, plus the 1200 from the blinds, plus my bet of 2400, and Carson’s stack of 2400+5900 = a total pot of 13300 (and if I’m honest, I didn’t know the exact amount…I just knew it was over 1200 when I did my count). At 2:1, I reluctantly called.

I was relieved when Carson turned over Tens since neither of my cards were in his hand. But I nearly jumped out of my seat when NutzFirth showed his fold… pocket kings!

I guess my tight play really had been noticed, because he put me on Aces. There’s no way I could have folded Kings there, but I understand NF’s play based on his read of me. Bam-Bam told us he folded Queens – and fortunately for me, and unfortunately for Carson and Bam-Bam, a Queen came for me. I was lucky that not only did I win my race, but the TWO players that would have beaten me had either called, both folded.

Between that hand and the previous hand with Bam-Bam, I had a very large stack, and through some careful play made it heads-up against NutzFirth.

He had his revenge for the folded Kings, however, and pretty much schooled me heads-up. I had the lead going in, and lost pot after pot. Amazingly enough, though, I had a blast doing it.

Banky likes to say “First or Worst” – but I’ll happily take a cash any day – and I was very pleased with my second place finish.

Banky managed both First AND Worst, as he won the side game once it got heads-up between he and Kat.

By this time it was way past my bedtime, and after more hugs and handshakes, we were on our way home.

Thus ended our inaugural TuckFard experience. Great people, great poker – what more can a PokerTart ask for?

Am I better because of poker? Part 2: Career

In this look at how poker has impacted my life, I’ll be covering the following topics:

- Finances
- Career
- Health
- Marriage
- Friendship

Welcome to Part 2: Career

I’m typing this at work at 2:00 in the afternoon. I guess that gives a little indication as to my priorities. I kid, I kid. I’m usually pretty busy during working hours – but the week between Christmas and New Years Eve is notoriously slow.

Truth be told, while I wholeheartedly acknowledge my corporate drone-ism – I actually like my job. On some days, I even love it. I work in marketing and I lead a team of smart, funny, and hard-working people. Venture outside my little fiefdom, however, and the office if filled with every The Office stereotype you can think of. It’s when I have to deal with people not on my team that I want to either punch them in the throat or drink myself into oblivion under my desk. But I digress….back to my career….

I’ve traveled a pretty golden road on my career path to date (barring a few potholes that I fell right into). The path to my current situation started out when I volunteered with Microsoft to get free hours of Internet access (this was back in the days when you paid for Internet access by the hour). The volunteer gig led to a part-time gig, which led to multiple full-time gigs where I got to do interesting things and meet interesting people. The good times, however, did not last and after a couple years of very fruitful freelance contracting, I was without a source of income.

A few months of unemployed self-loathing and afternoon matinees led to a job in my industry, and after 6 months there, contacts there led me to my current employer.

I’ve held 6 different jobs here, each more interesting than the one before. At one point, I was a golden child here. I was encouraged to get my M.B.A. so I could take on more senior level positions. Unfortunately, I didn’t have an undergrad degree. I dropped out of college a few months in, and started working full-time (the Microsoft money was too appealing). However, the program I wanted to attend said they would potentially accept students without undergrads as long as they had 7 years work experience, scored high on the GMATs and had good reference letters – luckily for me, I was able to pull off all 3 (even luckier that my 98th percentile in the Verbal section made up for a piss-poor Quantitative section. Thank God poker isn’t ALL math, or I’d be screwed). I was accepted and began my 18-month quest to get an M.B.A.

I wish I could say I was proud of my accomplishment – and in many ways I am. I know I worked hard, and learned a lot. But this was an “Executive M.B.A.” program – and some of the people in my class were complete and utter idiots. Knowing they ended up with the same degree that I have kind of tarnishes the whole deal. I’ve never held higher education in the same esteem that other people have. But at the end of the day, if a piece of paper reassures other people that I have the knowledge that I know I have, than so be it. The best part of the whole experience was seeing how proud my Dad was on graduation day. That pretty much made up for the 18 months of torture.

While I was in the M.B.A. program I was playing poker online. It was for small stakes, and not all that often (working full-time, plus school every other Fri-Sun didn’t leave a lot of free time). I graduated in 2005, and it was after that that Banky and I started playing more frequently, both online and live.

It wasn’t until early 2006 that poker became an everyday topic of conversation in our house. And it’s really been over the last year that I think it’s impacted my working life – and the impact is thus:

I’ve become apathetic.

And I don’t mean that in a bad way. In many ways, the apathy has been good. In the past, I was extremely emotionally invested in my work. I carried everything home. If work went well, I was happy, chipper, and fun to be around. If I dealt with an asshole, or my boss stole my idea, or if results weren’t as good as I hoped, I’d be devastated. Tears were not uncommon. I would spend evenings ranting to Banky, and being frustrated that he couldn’t understand. I’m sure I was not the most pleasant person to be around. Now, things just don’t bother me the way they used to.

However, apathy can also be bad. I still care about what I do, so perhaps apathy isn’t the right word – but I just don’t care as much as I used to. I feel like I’ve put work in it’s proper place….as a means to an end (the end being a lifestyle that I want). I no longer aspire to a bigger, better, career. I just want to be intellectually stimulated and work with fun, interesting people. I could care less about promotions, and hierarchy, and office politics.

I’m sure my attitude change has been noticed, because I’m not longer on the fast-track that I once was. But I’m not willing to sacrifice my time the way I was before. I leave work at work. Some other chumps can take their Blackberry’s with them on vacation. I don’t even check mine after office hours.

It’s hard to pinpoint that yes, this change in attitude is entirely because of poker – but I have to think that playing, thinking, and talking about poker so much has to have had an effect.

Playing poker has taught me how to deal with bad beats. I don’t get fazed by them any more. Work is full of bad beats! Dealing with an douche, having your boss take your name off a presentation and present it as her own, losing a great employee to another dept. The old me would spent days steaming – but now I’m mad for a few minutes (or a couple hours, if it’s something really bad) but then I shake it off. Just like at the poker table.

Sometimes, in poker, you do your best and you still lose. It’s the same at work. Sometimes you are smarter, better, more qualified than your co-worker, but they still get promoted. It’s like watching a fish catch hand after hand. There’s nothing you can do but play your best game – in poker, and in life.

When I reflect on where my career is now – I have to say that as far as progression, I’m no better off than I was before poker since I've been in the same role since 2004. But because of poker, I’m happier where I am than I would have been without it.

I’m not sure where that nets me out. I still have some thinking to do on this one.

Excellent advice...

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Am I better because of poker? Part 1: Finances

Back when CC was over at Pokerworks, he wrote an excellent series of articles about the impact poker had on his life. It was an introspective and well written series, and I felt compelled to write something similar. I emailed him asking for permission to copy his format, and he graciously agreed. I, however, let time pass and never sat down to write my own series.

Now that months have passed, and I think I’m finally ready for the introspection.

So, in homage to CC’s original series, here is my look at this wonderful, crazy, frustrating and rewarding game and the impact it’s had on my life.

I’ll cover the following topics:

- Finances
- Career
- Health
- Marriage
- Friendship

Finances

I decided to start with this topic, because it’s the easiest one to quantify. I’ve tracked my play since the beginning of 2006, so the financial impact poker has made on my life is easily measurable and, luckily, positive.

The first time I ever played poker was in the Flamingo poker room in April of 2003. I had been watching the WPT with Banky on Sunday afternoons for a little while, and was intrigued. On a previous Vegas trip, Banky played 7 Card Stud, but I was too shy to approach the poker tables. This time, I mustered up the courage to give Limit Hold’em a try. I really only remember two things from that time at the tables: calling out that I had a straight at showdown, only to realize that I didn’t, in fact, have a straight and chatting with a tablemate who told me about a place on the web where you could play poker. He seemed shy when I asked him for the name of the site, but eventually he told me it was called ‘PartyPoker’. When Banky and I made it home, it wasn’t long before I signed up for an account.

I played on Party for a long time. I have no idea how much I won or lost. Only that I probably lost more than I won. But I had an amazing time. I then switched to Pokerstars (I can’t remember why). Banky and I started playing in some local home games, and were active on a poker forum. At the end of 2005, we decided that to truly get better at poker, we needed to track our results. Being a corporate drone, I’m an Excel wiz so I whipped up a spreadsheet and we tracked every cent.

Sometime in 2006, Banky discovered PokerSourceOnline where you got “free” stuff for completing bonus at various poker sites, and I became his guinea pig. I played on Pokerstars, poker.com, absolute, and Ultimate Bet. We got poker books, a folding poker table and other various ‘rewards’. But the real reward came on one random day in the middle of ’06. I can’t recall why, but I was at home for the day. At the time I was playing on Absolute, and I started off playing 1/2LHE. I had an incredible run that day, and rampaged my way up in levels. Every time I got enough to play at a higher level, I moved up. Soon I was playing 25/50 (or a limit close to that…the memory is fuzzy), and I Could. Not. Lose.

I hit every draw. Every high pocket pair held up. Every call I made was right. It was insanity. When Banky arrived home from work, I showed him my balance. I had made over $7,000. In one day.

Now this amount might be pitiful for some ballers out there. But the highest buy-in games we had ever played were $50 freezeout sng homegames. Online, $20 sngs were on the high side for us. This amount of money was more than I imagined making in poker in a year, nevermind one day.

After a few days, I decided to cash most of it out. In retrospect, it might have been wiser to try and continue to build a bankroll. But I had no delusions of grandeur. I knew that I had been incredibly lucky on one day, I didn’t expect that the luck would continue. I thought that cashing out would be my best bet. However, I didn’t just want to roll that money into our regular bank account. It was, afterall, poker money! So Banky and I opened a separate account for our poker winnings. We dubbed this our ‘poker fund’. At one point, the fund was up to 12,000. In the last year, it’s dwindled down to $4,000 – but not because of poker losses….instead we went to Mexico, remodeled our bathroom and installed some new windows.

I do still take the occasional shot at the higher levels – with various degrees of success and failure. I know it takes big money to make big money. Sometimes I crave the thrill of the higher limits, and sometimes I just want to play for the sake of playing.

As for 2007 – it’s been a good year. We’re both ‘up’ – but not by nearly as much in 2006. The thing is, as much as poker has had a positive financial impact in the sense that I have more money because of it – I’m not as interested in the money as I used to be. I’m less concerned about the financial cost (or benefit) of the poker session, than I am in how I played it and how much fun I had. Having a hobby that pays for itself is a joy.

Soooo close

Every other Monday, Banky and I play a game at Woody’s. It’s probably the most fun poker game I play. It’s a bunch of beer-drinking, trash-talking men, and me ;) At first they would censor themselves around me. Not any more. Last night I was privy to discussions about crapping at work, and masturbating while using a bidet – and that was all before the break.

Woody runs the games as a year-long series. At the end of the year, the person who has won the most money is declared the champ – and gets a super-cheesy bracelet, a trophy, and their picture up on the wall. He’s got champs from 2004-2006…and a spot all picked out for the 2007 champ. Up until last night, I held the lead. Now, with one game left in the year, I’m in second place, $415 behind none other than Banky. Mofo!

I’m the only woman that has ever played at Woody’s, and I so want my picture up on that wall. The thing is, I’ll need to win the next game, and Banky has to not place in the money at all. It could happen…

Otherwise, I’m not playing much poker. I haven’t played online in weeks. The online poker bug I get just hasn’t been there. Between the Christmas festivities, a busy work schedule, and not feeling up to snuff, the TV has been calling my name most nights (especially when Christmas movies & specials are on…I am a complete and utter sucker for Christmas specials). I’m hoping to play some more live poker in the new year – Kat and I are hoping to get together a trip to Rama or Fallsview (maybe a Tuckfard get together at Rama is in order…hmmmmmmmmmm?). A few friends and I are hoping to play in some tourneys at Seneca, and Banky and I really should get to the casino more….

*********************

I was disappointed not to win the Write Your Way to the Aussie Millions contest – but I gotta give Julius Goat props…his entry was fantastic. A Christmas Carol is one of my fave stories – twisting it poker-style was genius. I did get mentioned in a note from the FullTilt gang, so that was nice. I had fun writing my entry. I'm sure I made myself laugh more than those who read the entry, but that's pretty common in my life. If I can make myself & Banky laugh, I'm all good.

Huge thanks to Al for organizing this amazing event, and good luck to all those playing in the TOC. I’d love to see a blogger take the Aussie Millions down!

No respect for Annette

I’m soaking up the WPBT trip reports – wishing I could have been there with you all. Please keep ‘em coming!

I haven’t felt very ‘pokery’ lately. Work has been both busy and full of holiday activities that it’s all a bit overwhelming. Most days I just want to go home and fall into a TV-induced coma.

I did get the urge to write here last though, when I collected the latest issue of Bluff from my mailbox. I’d been waiting for this issue to arrive, because I assumed there would be great coverage of Annette_15’s WSOP-Europe Main Event win. What I saw, however, was Joe Sebok & Barry Greenstein on the cover. Huh? Annette Obrestad, a woman*, won the main event being both the youngest to ever win a bracelet, and the only woman to win a Main Event – and all she gets is a couple pages in the middle of the magazine? Wha?

Don’t get me wrong – I have tons of respect for Barry Greenstein. I think he’s an incredibly talented player, and I love his demeanor at the poker table. I’m sure the dynamic between a father and a son who both play poker is very interesting. But would this not have been an ideal opportunity to put the record-smashing Annette on the cover?

Banky and I got into a heated discussion over breakfast. I was ranting at how it was sexist – and he said it was because it was the WSOP Europe and the average Bluff reader is a white American male and isn’t interested in a European event they can’t watch on T.V.

I disagree – I think it has way more to do with not wanting to put a normal looking girl on the cover. I’m sure if Annette looked more like Pamela Anderson she’d be splayed all over that cover in a heartbeat. Instead, she’s a normal (if not super-young looking) girl, who is crushing games online and live, and was pushed off the cover by an editorial piece on father/son relationships. Just doesn’t sit right with me.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been disappointed with Bluff. I still cringe every time I come across ZeeJustin’s monthly column. It’s pretty hypocritical of Bluff to fire one of their editors who recently got caught cheating online (which I think was the right move), while contracting with Justin (another self-confessed online cheater). So which is it? Cheaters are allowed to write for Bluff, or they aren't? The Bluff moral compass is out of whack.

I guess my problem is I’m so starved for quality poker content that I can’t bear to cancel my subscription.

* homage to Wicked Chops Poker

Office vultures and loving Doyle

Tis the season...

Gifts from vendors have started to arrive in the office. When a big box gets delivered, everyone gathers to see what treasures it contains. Wine (the favourite, but difficult to share), chocolate, cookies, fruit…it all gets ooooohed and ahhhhed over before it gets ripped open and devoured.

Clearly we need more excitement in our days.

I’m going to try not to gain 48765803876lbs this season.

-------------------

I started writing some commentary about Monday’s High Stakes Poker episode, but it got boring so I deleted it al, because really, all I want to say is I heart Doyle Brunson.

My favourite Doyleism was actually from last week’s episode. After Jamie Gold and Farha made fools out of themselves over the AA v KK hand, Doyle (after referring to them as Dumb and Dumber) turned to Barry Greenstien and muttered:

“If my Daddy knew I was a loser in this game he’d roll over in his grave”

Oh Doyle, you had me at Dumb and Dumber.

This week I loved how he handled Guy Laliberte not wanting to turn over his hand when Doyle called his huge check-raise on the turn. The pot was over $800,000. Doyle said:

“You don’t want to turn over your cards after you asked to see mine? Ok” and shrugged.

He totally called Guy out, without being a jerk about it. Guy turned over his cards.

Class and a quick wit – not much more you can ask for in a man. Oh, and he has nice, warm hands too ;)

Easy come, easy go

Working from home on Thursday brought a lovely side effect – lunchtime poker. I convinced Banky to play a $5 HORSE sng with me. Big mistake – he busted me on (or near) the bubble. At least he took second place ;)

When my ‘work day’ was done, I decided to play way above my roll (as I am occasionally known to do), and crushed the 15/30 OHL game. I quadrupled my buy-in (which, incidentally, more than doubled my roll on FullTilt). Wheeeeee

I know one shouldn’t risk so much of their bankroll on one game. But my offline bankroll is more than sufficient. And sometimes I just get sick of the small stakes. I’m a gambler at heart.

The league game that night was disappointing as usual. When the blinds were 150/300, we had 6 players left and we were all shortstacked. I was the chipleader at one point, with less than 10 times the Big Blind. There’s so much wrong with the structure of the game, and I really don’t have fun there anymore. The people I really liked have stopped coming, and last week the ONLY person talking it up and trying to have a good time was Banky. Everyone else was sitting there stonefaced. BO-ring. Anyhoo…

That lead to Friday and what is quickly becoming the most therapeutic game I play…Kat’s Donkament. I like being able to act silly and not care about the results. Last week I think I was in for $15 bucks. This week, I didn’t have to rebuy once. The poker gods were on my side. I ended up losing to Carson when my hammer lost to AceJack. I think that was hammer karma hitting me because I told Astin that his hammer was no goot. Ooops!

Saturday I thought I was the shiznit and tried to repeat my OHL crushing, and was crushed instead. I lost 2 buyins…gross. But I was still up for the weekend, so I was able to keep it in perspective. The only bad part is, after riding the variance train on Thursday, I cashed out a bug chunk of change, so with the loss on Saturday,my FT balance is back on the paltry side. Ah well, time to rebuild...

I'd rather be eating turkey

While many of my poker blogging brethern are enjoying a day filled with family, turkey and football – I’m working at home due to some terrifically crap-tastic driving conditions.

I’m pretty lucky that I have the kind of job where the occasional work-from-home day is acceptable, because 2+ hours each way = my personal hell.

Pokering has been ok lately. Banky and I went to a game on Saturday night that did not end well. I busted just before the bubble, and Banky on the bubble. I really didn’t care, but Banky was really ticked off about how card dead he was – and it showed. It was kind of uncomfortable, especially since I started dealing after I busted out. I know I’m not personally responsible for the cards I dealt out, but somehow I felt like I was pouring salt in the wounds. Not pretty. I think his reaction was less about this game in particular, and more about how bad he’s been running lately. Bubble after bubble can wear you down.

Good news is, the bubble streak was broken when he won Woody’s on Monday. Of course, he took me out along the way. Punk.

Now for the bad news. Banky and I are out for Vegas. There are a bunch of reasons….but ultimately it’s just not the right time for us.

Hopefully we can organize some sort of GTA-Vegas get-together in the near future...we have a swank poker room. Ok, it’s a folding poker table in our basement, but still, the invite is open…

Blogroll updates + pimpage

I've been catching up on my blog reading, and realized that I've been remiss in updating my blogroll with some bloggers I've started (and restarted) reading...

Bam-Bam in Bedrock. My favourite TuckFard has a cave of his own.

Jusdealem. Been reading this gal for awhile now.

Kajagugu. I started reading Kaja after we played in Kat's donkament.

And to my complete delight - I've redicovered Grubby. I've been checking his pokerworks blog daily and haven't seen an update since September. I decided to check his old blog, and discovered that he and Grubette have been blogging faithfully there. Grubby was the first poker blog I ever read. It's been great catching up on his posts.

Pimpage...

The new issue of Truckin' is out.


November 2007, Vol. 6, Issue 11And we're back...

1. Existentialist Conversations with Strippers: The Afternoon Shift by Paul McGuireThe club was just the type of seedy place where you might find William Kennedy Smith or any other soused heirs to the Kennedy name, knocking back cheap scotch at 3 pm while aggressively fondling the sketchy girls with visible c-section scars and multiple fresh bruises all over their cracked-out bodies.... More

2. Lonesome Cowboy Bill by AlCantHangMy comfort zone is a dive rock club where I can chain smoke, power drink, and have my head assaulted with decibels equivalent to a jumbo jet taking off. The next step down the ladder would be the pubs and bars the exist for sole purpose of its patrons getting blitzed on various hardcore drinks. Then comes the sports bars, strip clubs, snooty yuppie bars, and hotel watering holes. Near the very bottom would generally be any place that plays country music... More

3. Seven Minutes with Olga by Change100Olga led me all the way to the back and sat me down. She took her top off and grabbed my hands, placing them on her very soft, very real breasts... More

4. The Sleep Deprived Memoirs of I by Sigge S. AmdalI might as well go to sleep, I thought. And I thought about sleeping forever, the eternal sleep, and how it could feel – was it cold or was it cozy – had it not been for facts contesting life after death in terms of subjectively sensory experience... More

5. Their Father's Love by Sean A. DonahueTying to explain the differences and the complaints of a failed marriage is too complicated for a four-year old to understand. I think I heard the phrase, "But why daddy?" more than I ever thought I could. But it wasn't my kids' fault... More

My Aussie Millions Adventure

My Aussie Millions adventure happened so serendipitously, it’s like it was meant to be. Like Sonny and Cher. Only without the divorce part. Or the skiing into trees. That wouldn’t really be serendipitous. Anyhoo…

*insert flashback waves here*

I’ve never been the greatest poker player. But I love the game. The competition, the camaraderie, the challenge.

When Al teamed up with FullTilt Poker to give bloggers a chance to win their way into the Aussie Millions, I knew it was probably my only chance at a major tourney. My biggest problem was trying to play the BBToo events. My early morning starts at my corporate job (and my general love of sleep) coupled with a killer cold in early November put me out of commission for many of the tournaments. But buoyed by the idea that even a blind squirrel can occasionally find a nut, I entered a few, and by the luck of Jebus, I finally won one!

The hand that won me the game went something like this:

Limp with 45o, get quads, get paid off.

Many people have questioned the pre-flop limp with 45 offsuit UTG. But what can I say? Women’s intuition, suckahs, women’s intuition.

Of course, that only won me into the big game. I was worried. How could I beat the field full of poker blogging elite? I figured my only way to win was to lucksack it, so lucksack it I did.

When, late in the game, I was dealt 45o UTG. I knew it was my time. We were 3 handed, and I had my opponents both slightly out-chipped. I raised and they both called. The flop came 2,3,6 rainbow. All the money went in, and my opponents showed KK and AA.

It’s good to be lucky.

The 45o was officially renamed “the tart”. Well, my opponents tried to call it “that f’ing b--ch”, but I’m calling it “the tart”.

So with my lucksack packed, Banky and I boarded the plane to Australia.

Banky had 3 big agenda items for Australia:
1. Eat some kangaroo
2. Climb into a eucalyptus tree and hang with koalas
3. Dress in drag and lip synch to Abba in the outback.

Banky's kind of weird that way. Makes me love him more.

I only had one agenda item – take the fooker down!

I was extremely intimidated playing the event.

At my first table I had one pro I knew (Gus Hansen – hubba hubba), and a bunch of internet people that I had never heard of. They don’t typically play the $2 +$0.15 heads-up SNGs on FullTilt like I do. But apparently they are pretty big in teh interweb poker. I nursed my stack for awhile until I pushed in with, AKc, got called by AA and KK, and caught a flush. Wheeeeeeeee! I never heard a Dane swear so much in my life.

Honestly, I can’t remember much from the rest of the hands that lead up to the final table. I do, however, remember seeing a lot of head shaking and hearing the phrases “on the f-ing river” and “caught a 2 outer!” over and over. *shrug*

By the time I made it to the final table, I was ready for a nap. Poker is hard!

My final table featured hometown favourite Joe Hachem, Phil Ivey, Allen Cunningham and some other dudes. I was surprised when they all showed up decked in hats and shirts from various poker sites. I tracked down a FullTilt rep and asked what was up…

Tart: Um. Hi. So. No one approached me to wear a FullTilt hat or anything.
FullTilt Marketing Lackey: Ahhhh…yeah. About that. *looks around skittishly* We’ve, uh, watched your play, Tart. And uh, we at FullTilt want to promote poker as a game of skill.
Tart: Yeah?
FTML: Um. Right. And we think it’s best if we associate ourselves with skillful players.
Tart: Sweet! I’m a 2XL. Can I get a hockey jersey with “TART” on the back?
FTML: *cough*

Needless to say, the hockey jersey didn’t arrive before filming started. I guess it takes awhile to get them personalized.

When final table play started, I was pretty nervous. I had Cunningham on my left, Ivey on my right, and Joe right across the table from me. For the first hour, I couldn’t play to save my life. My hands were constantly shaking, every time I raised I got re-raised and folded. It was brutal. And that’s when I realized that I was actually trying to outplay these guys. How stupid! That’s not how I won my way here, that’s not how I survived the days leading up to the final table…I made my way here by relying on my natural gift – lucksackery!

But I was so intimidated. Could I really donk-it-up here, on TV, against Ivey, Cunningham, Hachem and the dudes? The only way to find that answer was through alcohol, and lots of it. So I ordered up a round of tequila shots. For reasons unbeknownst to me no one else partook. In my neck of the woods, we call those people wusses.

Now that I was feeling libatious, I loosened up. I don’t think Cunningham liked it when I called him Doogie Howser. I guess that’s what made him call my all-in. How was he to know I flopped a full house with J6? Anway, who goes all in with a straight and expects it to hold up, Doogie?

Some other dudes went out, and it was down to me, Phil, and Joe. Now Joe, I wasn’t worried about. I’ve watched him on TV many times and no one, and I mean no one, gets sucked out on more than Joe Hachem. If it got down to me and Joe heads-up, I was sure I could squeeze out at least a 6 outer in him. But Phil was trickier, he kept avoiding me. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t tilt him. I tried calling him Tiger. I tried asking him for golf tips. I even tried imitating him at the table. All I got were sore eyeballs, and a dwindling stack.

Here’s where my uber-luck kicked in. Joe and Phil got into a big pot with A 8 8 on the flop. When the dust cleared, Joe with his quads 8s had knocked out Phil with his Aces full.

I congratulated Joe

Tart: Whoa nice suckout, Joe!
Joe: Roight.

I offered to chop the money with him, and shockingly, he declined. So we went into battle. I knew I needed to reach into my reserves – so I ordered another round of tequila shots. Joe declined. I advised him that the buggery might not be so painful if he imbibed, but he chose not to take my advice.

Heads-up lasted 2 hours, and it was the most painful 2 hours of Joe’s life. He would whittle me down and I’d suck-out to double up. He spent a lot of time pacing back and forth, hiding his eyes from the flops, and wincing as my cards magically turned into boats, flushes, and straights before his eyes.

The crowd was growing hostile. Banky took off his “I’m with Tart” t-shirt and started waving an Australian flag, lest he be mauled by frenzied Australians.

Finally, it came down to the last hand. Joe, sick of trying to outplay me post flop (because really, how can you outplay a lucksack?), pushed all-in. I looked down at two black Aces. The poker player in me leaped with joy. But then the lucksack in me filled with dread.

I’d made it this far by coming from behind. I’d sucked out my way to this, the pinnacle of my poker career. I’d be going against everything that had worked for me thusfar. But I had the best hand in poker. Pocket Rockets…the hand you wish for every time you peel back the corners of your hole cards, the hand that makes your heart do a little jig when there’s been a raise before you, the hand that you can legitimately say was the favourite pre-flop. I couldn’t NOT play these cards, could I?

I can only blame the tequila.

I called Joe’s all-in.

He showed KingJack.

Flop – Jack, Jack, Jack.

The crowd goes wild.

Ace on the turn.

The crowd groaned. Joe began to sweat through his dress shirt and khakis. Banky started to giggle. Could this be it? Could this be the suck-out of all suck-outs?

2 on the river.

Joe Hachem wins the Aussie Millions, and I take second. No sponsorship. No title. But I do console myself with a whole chunk of second place dough.

Banky comes over and gives me a hug. Joe, being the consummate gentleman, shakes my hand. The Aussies in the audience quietly put away the Tart effigy they were about to light afire. I’m actually a little relieved I didn’t win – had an Ace fallen on that river, I’m not sure I would have made it out of the casino alive.

After getting my cheque, Banky and I quickly exit the Crown Casino, put on our high heels and head for the outback.

*end flashback waves*

And so ends my Aussie Millions adventure. I didn’t win enough to quit my day job. But I did win enough to fix up the house, get Banky a sweet Jacuzzi, and take a trip to Europe.

Life is pretty sweet these days.

Although I’m still waiting for my FullTilt hockey jersey.

TGIF

What I’ve been up to for the past two weeks:

Coughing, sniffling, sneezing
Week 3 of being sick. I called in sick today, because my head felt as if my brain had been removed, and then placed inside a skull two sizes two small. I just want to feel normal again. My desire to play the BBToo events has been surpassed by my desire to sleep.

Turning into a domestic goddess
I was feeling pretty bored with our standard dinner routine, so I picked up Jamie Oliver’s newest cookbook (Cook with Jamie) and I got pretty inspired. I made gnocchi with meat sauce one night. How I lived this long without discovering the yummy, potatoey goodness of gnocchi is beyond me. I also made coleslaw another day, and it was freakishly good.

Reading up a storm
I finished Neil Gaiman’s American Gods (on audio), and started Neverwhere…I love discovering a new author and going through their backlist. I’m also reading (in print) Ken Follett’s World Without End. It’s a quasi-sequel to Pillars of the Earth, which is one of my all-time favourite books. It was the first book I ever read where as I was coming to the end, I was happy that the story was coming to a conclusion, but sad that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it longer. I didn’t even know the sequel was coming until Banky pointed it out in a flyer we got at the house one night. I was so excited…and the next day, I came home from work and Banky had picked it up for me.

Eating far too much Halloween candy
Damn you snack-size Kit-Kats and your tempting chocolate waferness!

Playing poker (of course)
I came in second at Woody’s on Monday…which puts me in the lead for the year. Woody tracks all the money finishes for the year, and the person who wins the most money is crowned the champ and gets all the rights and priviledges associated with champitude…picture on the wall in his basement, cheesy trophy, and of course bragging rights. As the only woman who plays in the very testosterone-charged game…I’m salivating to be the champ. I also won the Thursday league last night for the first time in a long time. I was so happy at the end of the game, because I went into heads-up at a huge chip disadvantage, and I absolutely schooled my opponent. I felt so in control of the game. It was awesome.

Banky and I have a busy weekend coming up. It’s his 32nd birthday tomorrow, and we’re celebrating with our families on Sunday, because it’s my uncle’s 60th birthday on Sunday, and my aunt is having a party for him on Saturday. Very convoluted.

I still have to figure out what to get Banky for his birthday, and what to cook for the family on Sunday. If I still feel as sick as I feel now, I sense a nice big order of Thai food in my future…